From the eyes of a mother
I never thought I would become the villain in my child's story. The one who "ruined their life." But I did. But what I learned was that, really, I was the villain for my child's eating disorder. And in that case, I was truly the hero.
I decided to write this blog because I find that a lot of mothers and parents in general give up on getting treatment to their child because they feel guilty. And sometimes they feel like it's unnecessary. 'Why do I have to make my child hate me for making them eat when their weight is already basically normal?' is a question I've heard often. But I've found that the pain and the hurt and the regret all become worth it when you can know for sure that your child can live happily without thinking about their body and the food they eat.
I know that when my child's weight was "basically normal," they were still thinking heavily about their appearance and feeling guilty after every time they ate. But now, I can be assured that what I struggled through to the end with her eating disorder was worth it because now she can have a better relationship with food and live out a better life following her true values.
Of course, this end wasn't easy to achieve. I remember throughout recovery there were many times when she refused to eat, and her team told me I had to do something about it. Tell her she couldn't drive or that she couldn't go to school. Take away things from her that I knew she cared about. The day I took her car keys, she screamed at me, and my heart broke. But I did it. And then I cried all night. The next day she still refused to eat properly. So I called her school and told her that I was ready to pull her out for health reasons. My child cared about school like it was her life. Many of these children with eating disorders are extremely high performing, especially when it comes to school. My child was not an exception, so school was one of the things she loved the most. That day she shut the door of her room and screamed and cried for 5 hours. And I sat outside the door and cried with her. I told her there was nothing I could do because I had to do this for her health, but every minute that ticked by I wanted to give in and stop what I was doing. Even now, the pain reverberates in my heart as I'm watching the tears fall on my laptop while I type this out.
I tell you all of this so you understand that it really isn't easy. And that you aren't alone. To get your child through treatment, even you have to do a lot of things that you don't want to, but it doesn't make you a bad parent or person. It's hard, but the end result is worth it. More worth it than you can know. I still fight with my child occasionally, but we make up, and it rarely ever has to be about food or body image. And both of us have never had to go through the pain we went through that day again. I know that this is possible for other children too, even if it requires us as parents, and especially as mothers, to make decisions for our child that no one else will.